Just Tired.....and Lunch with Andrew.....

Dealing with parent/teacher conferences tonight. 1 down, and 1 to go. Ryan is already in meltdown mode and we still have to go out to Andrew's school in about 45 minutes.

Thank goodness for smart children. Even with all the trials and difficulties we've had we've been very blessed with smart kids. As much as Ryan struggles is definitely not lacking in intelligence. Andrew, is just too smart for his own good sometimes! The joys of parenthood.

Well, the main thing I wanted to share was the lunch I had with Andrew on Tuesday at school. Parents got to bring a bag lunch to school and eat lunch with their child, so that was kind of neat. I think Andrew liked that a lot. Just him and mommy time. I had Darlene watch Ashlynn so that I could really just be with Andrew, and I think that meant a lot to him.

Very long time........

Well, it's been such a long time and I even forgot that I had a blog (Thank you Christy V. for the reminder!)! LOL

Things have been a little strange here. Both good and bad.

Good: I got to go to my friend Dave's wedding out in Wisconsin at the beginning of Oct. and I finished the quilt (which turned out BEAUTIFUL, BTW) for him and Rachel, I'm currently teaching Seminary (as hard as this is I LOVE it, and it's the glue that's keeping me from totally falling to pieces), somehow and someway the bills are ever so slowly getting paid (though I don't know if this will last forever or not).......... ok, now for some of the not so good stuff.....

Bad: The Evans family is leaving, and I'm very upset that I'm losing a good friend. I like Melanie a lot, and I'm very sad that she's going (though I haven't told her that because I"ll cry! LOL), The holidays are coming and I'm not in a holiday mood this year, Ryan has been REALLY BAD, I'm starting to get more depressed as the weeks go by.

Other than that you haven't missed much LOL. Gotta get the kids ready for school and off on my way!

It's been a wild week!

We left on July 19th to go camping in NY. We went and saw the Pageant, and went to all of the church historical sites. We had a nice time despite the rain and Ryan getting hurt. Sunday we decided to drive up and see Niagara Falls since we were so close. So we ended up getting home 1:00am Monday morning. I hope to go back next year, but we will allot more time at Niagara Falls, since there was so much to do there. My favorite church site was definately the Joseph Smith Farm and Frame House and Sacred Grove. I loved it there. It made me wish that I lived there so that I could visit quite often. Next year I think we will plan a Scripture Study in the Sacred Grove.

As far as Ryan goes, we've been doing alright. Vacation was actually good for him, but since we've been home it's been back to the usual. I just read the book The Explosive Child by Dr. Ross W. Greene and it was fantastic. It totally nailed Ryan's behavior. Implementing some of his tactics have definately reduced meltdowns, but of course they're not totally gone. We have lots more work to do.

More Frustration......

Ok, the last 2 days have been TERRIBLE!! I can't keep doing this with Ryan. He's been doing nothing but throwing tantrums for 2 days now. He's even waking up before everyone and throwing tantrums before anyone gets up! I'm going CRAZY!

Just a minute ago I found out that he held a big rock over Brianna's head and asked her "Do you want to die?" I couldn't believe it! I'm in total shock! He says he was mad at her for, get this, trying to kiss him! :O

This is so much worse than I thought. Now normally I would think, "he didn't really mean it," but I can see the rage in his face/eyes. It's the same feeling I've gotten in the past, and I know how hard it is to control (and that's coming from an adult).

The plan right now is to transition him from the current therapist to a new clinic because his therapist wants him to have a psychiatric evaluation, and the only places that will do them are clinics where they do therapy as well. So, over the next few weeks we will be moving over there.

I don't know what to think. I can't even think right now. The good thing about this place is that they deal with children and adults, so if I need medication again (which I'm begining to think might be part of my problem) then I can go there too, which is cool. I'm just so frustrated and angry right now that I can't even see straight. I just want to help him, but I can't. I can't even help myself half the time, how the heck am I supposed to help him? I don't know ........ I'm just scared. I'm scared as to what the future holds. If he hurts someone in a fit of rage then it's not only a problem for him, but for me as well. I don't know how to stop this. It's like a runaway train and I feel like I just stood in front of it to try and stop it, but it ran me over!!

Thought I should add this......

In light of the sadness of Brother Webster's passing I pulled out the poem I got when my mom passed away and posted it on the Cure Kevin site. I thought I should put this here as well for me to reflect on.


God Saw You

God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be,
So He put His arms around you and whispered, come to me;
With tearful eyes we watched you and saw you pass away,
And though we loved you dearly, we could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest,
God broke our hearts to prove to us that He only takes the best.

Author Unknown

Can't take this anymore!

I QUIT!!! Am I allowed to quit?? ..... NO?!? What do you mean ...NO! I give up. I really do. There has been nothing but fighting alllllll afternoon. I don't care if my kids hate eachother... I really don't, but PLEASE PLEASE for the love of PETE!!!!!!...... leave eachother ALONE! Jessica being here is definitely NOT helping either. She is feeding into Andrew's mean behavior towards Ryan. I'm definitely on the verge of a mental breakdown. I just don't know what else to do. I feel like such a failure. Where did I go wrong? Why am I here? I'm not actually teaching them anything. I really think I'm talking to myself. I've decided parenting isn't for the children to learn and grow..... it's for the PARENTS! It's a test, a trial, if you will. A test that I'm failing with an F-!!!! ARGHHHHHH!!!!! I've tried all the things that I know how to do. I've tried talking I've tried limiting their freedoms..... GRRRR! I know they're bored, but when I let them play outside or in their room then they're MEAN to eachother. I can't be EVERYWHERE at once. I can't be a referee! I don't want to be a referee! I HATE sports! I never signed up for any sport! I signed up to be a mom. A mom who yes has to be firm and strict, but someone who can also be loving and guiding and supportive. Someone who can lead and guide them to make right choices. Not someone who beats her head against the wall on a regular basis! I just want to eat a really LARGE dinner and go to BED! *sigh*



(For those who are sick of reading my rants, I don't blame you. I wouldn't be offended if you don't read my blog. Frankly, I, don't want to read it. The only reason I decided to start doing this on here is because Jim gets sick of hearing me complain and ask for help, so I thought maybe I can start to help myself by writing it all out.)

Planning for summer!!

I can't wait for summer to officially be here. I'm sooo excited to go camping and relax on the beach.


(Hmmm. how the heck to I change the fonts? ...... Oh, and what's the deal with the little Mojikan guy? Why is he pulling his eye down like that? It's kinda gross LOL)

Should've been cleaning.....

Well, I just wasted a good solid 2 hour nap on eating lunch and playing around with this blog. LOL I should've been cleaning, and of course Ashlynn just woke up, so now I must go. (Though, she is preoccupied with Barney right now :D ) Well, I hope you enjoy my new widgets!

3 New Gospel Questions/Thoughts.......

1. In Genesis 4:3-6 Why was the Lord happy with Abels sacrifice and not happy with Cain's? (This is probably an easy question, but the answer eludes me at the moment)


2. Genesis 4:14-15 These scriptures say that the Lord marked Cain so that everyone who finds him will kill him, BUT those who kill him will have "vengence taken on him sevenfold." I'm kind of confused by this. Any thoughts would be great. :D

3. (This is more of an observation that a question) Compare Genesis 1:26-27 and Genesis 5:3 How can anyone argue that Heavenly Father doesn't have a body of flesh and bone. If Adam's children were made in his "likeness and after his image" and we were made inHeavenly Father and Jesus' "image and after their likeness" doesn't it stand to reason that we are the same?

BTW this stems from a book I found in the library in town. In the kids section there was a book titled "Does God Have a Big Toe?" So I opened the book, curious to see what it said, and to my HORROR (LOL) it said "no, God doesn't have a big toe." So I should send this to the author of that book! LOL

The scriptures answer EVERYTHING.....

Copied from other post.....
My First Question......

This question is gospel based.

Assuming that the Garden of Eden was in Missouri, USA (which has been declared by Latter-day Revelation) ........

How come we've never seen the tree of life, the tree of the knowledge of good and evil or all of the other things that were there? If the answer is that they were all washed away in the Great Flood, then.... How did the altar that Adam prayed upon survive the flood?



OK, I might have found it. Assuming the information that I found is accurate, and let's say that the altar is still there (If I read the website correctly) I have found the answer in the scriptures as to why it might still be there, but the trees and the Garden are not.

Genesis 7:4 (In regards to the flood) - For yet seven days. and I will cause it to rain upon the earth forty days and forty nights; and every LIVING subsatnce that I have made will I destroy from off the face of the earth.

I love it when I find answers in the scriptures. :D

My First Question......

This question is gospel based.

Assuming that the Garden of Eden was in Missouri, USA (which has been declared by Latter-day Revelation) ........

How come we've never seen the tree of life, the tree of the knowledge of good and evil or all of the other things that were there? If the answer is that they were all washed away in the Great Flood, then.... How did the altar that Adam prayed upon survive the flood?

Starting Yet Another Blog!

Here we go again..... I was beginning to feel a little left out because as time passes more and more of my friends have blogs. I'm a terrible writer, and that's a huge part of the reason that I don't continue with any of the blogs that I've started in the past. But I've now decided that you will all just have to deal with my terrible grammer if you want to read the madness that goes on in my head. :D

I will have various posts on here, some may be good experiences, some will be questions that I have that I don't have answers for , and probably the majority of them will be ranting and whining about things that I need to get out. So if you have a weak stomach for those of us who whine and complain then this is definately not the blog for you! ;)

I must say that overall life isn't too bad, but I definately have my moments of being totally overwhelmed, especially with 3 young children. Lately I've had more of these moments than I care to admit, though from what those around me have said it's written all over my face. :\

I now try very hard to get through the bad times, because as I've gotten to the ripe old age of 27 :O I've learned that you will ALWAYS come out the other side. Even when you think things are the worst they've ever been and it seems like all hope is lost there is ALWAYS a "light at the end of the tunnel" (so to speak).

All I ask of you as you read this blog is that you try to keep your judgement to yourself. I know that not everyone will agree with or even like all of the things that I have to say, but as I make every effort to respect you and your shortcomings I would ask you to extend the same courtesy to me. I am not perfect, probably as far from it as you can get, but I try, and that is all I can do. I can try my best and try to learn from my mistakes. Unfortunately sometimes that means I have hurt other people in the process, and for that I am truely sorry. I hope that I will have the chance if not in this life then after to fix all that I have broken, right all that I've wronged and lift all those I have torn down.