More Frustration......

Ok, the last 2 days have been TERRIBLE!! I can't keep doing this with Ryan. He's been doing nothing but throwing tantrums for 2 days now. He's even waking up before everyone and throwing tantrums before anyone gets up! I'm going CRAZY!

Just a minute ago I found out that he held a big rock over Brianna's head and asked her "Do you want to die?" I couldn't believe it! I'm in total shock! He says he was mad at her for, get this, trying to kiss him! :O

This is so much worse than I thought. Now normally I would think, "he didn't really mean it," but I can see the rage in his face/eyes. It's the same feeling I've gotten in the past, and I know how hard it is to control (and that's coming from an adult).

The plan right now is to transition him from the current therapist to a new clinic because his therapist wants him to have a psychiatric evaluation, and the only places that will do them are clinics where they do therapy as well. So, over the next few weeks we will be moving over there.

I don't know what to think. I can't even think right now. The good thing about this place is that they deal with children and adults, so if I need medication again (which I'm begining to think might be part of my problem) then I can go there too, which is cool. I'm just so frustrated and angry right now that I can't even see straight. I just want to help him, but I can't. I can't even help myself half the time, how the heck am I supposed to help him? I don't know ........ I'm just scared. I'm scared as to what the future holds. If he hurts someone in a fit of rage then it's not only a problem for him, but for me as well. I don't know how to stop this. It's like a runaway train and I feel like I just stood in front of it to try and stop it, but it ran me over!!

Thought I should add this......

In light of the sadness of Brother Webster's passing I pulled out the poem I got when my mom passed away and posted it on the Cure Kevin site. I thought I should put this here as well for me to reflect on.


God Saw You

God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be,
So He put His arms around you and whispered, come to me;
With tearful eyes we watched you and saw you pass away,
And though we loved you dearly, we could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest,
God broke our hearts to prove to us that He only takes the best.

Author Unknown